Smoke, Smoke, Smoke Those Cigarettes
I can almost smell and taste the spent cigarettes in this picture.
I started smoking when I was 15 or 16 years old. I used to sneak my father’s Tareyton cigarettes out of his dresser drawer and I’d meet up with my friends to smoke. In the ‘60s it was a lot safer to walk around town and out in the country. No one bothered us and we had a lot of freedom. Sometimes my friends and I hid cigarettes in the woods. I don’t remember much conversation about cigarettes being bad for you besides, it was something most parents did. We weren’t allowed to smoke because we weren’t old enough, kind of like drinking, but being kids in the ‘60s, we were rebellious and secret smoking made us cool..
So that’s how I started smoking, and I kept it up for many years, at least 25. My Dad was upset when he found out that I smoked because I’d been in a fire when I was 14 and had smoke inhalation and pneumonia. But I smoked anyway. I entered college as a voice major and kept on smoking, usually, a pack of cigarettes a day.
Somewhere around 1973 I attended a Dave Wilkerson Crusade. Dave Wilkerson taught us that smoking was from the devil so we all threw our cigarettes on the stage and forsook smoking. I’d received Jesus as my Savior but forsaking smoking didn’t last more than a few days. There was no follow up to the salvation either and it was a long time before I made much progress in my walk with Jesus.
When I was 32 I became involved with an abuser, whom I ended up marrying. The abuse, which is another story, went on for 9 years. I was 36 years old when I discovered pregnant with my first child. By then I knew about the dangers of smoking and I tried to quit, that is until a nurse told me it didn’t really matter. That was all I needed to hear to be back as a full fledged smoker. When my baby was born, I made sure that I wasn’t near her when I smoked and I always brushed my teeth before I picked her up. I’d been told that the smell of smoking was offensive to babies, plus I knew how offensive it was when I was a kid around my aunts who smoked. During the next few years I tried to quit smoking over and over again.
There was nothing I could do to break the habit. I must have tried a hundred times, always very convicted and very determined. I tried quitting “cold turkey”. I tried tapering off. I tried special filters to help you cut down. Nothing worked. After a day or so I was back to full fledged smoking again. By this time I knew that smoking was very bad for myself and everyone around me. I knew it was an addiction because if I ran out I would find spent cigarettes in the ash tray and straighten them just to get a puff or two. I’d look through the sofas, the car and all the clothes in the closet to get enough money to buy a pack of cigarettes. I’d become desperate if I couldn’t find a cigarette. My addiction caused guilt.
My 2nd child was born when I was 38. I’d gone to many different churches throughout the U.S. since the 1973 Dave Wilkerson crusade. We moved a lot and I found a church to attend in every new town. The more the abuse continued the more I was driven to the foot of the cross. In Indianapolis I attended an Independent Baptist Church. I was part of a ladies’s study group and helped with AWANA. Smoking was a continuing topic of conversation. One lady told me how she gave up smoking. She had been witnessing about Jesus to someone.As the visit went on she found herself wishing it would get over so she could have a cigarette. Then she realized that her desire for a cigarette was more than her desire for this person’s salvation.
Well, that story made me feel worse. I didn’t tell her I smoked and I really felt condemned. The church I attended condemned smokers, too, and I began to doubt my salvation. Sometimes I got angry at the Lord because I couldn’t quit smoking. I was miserable and it was a bad load to carry. In 1987 or 88 I spoke with another church lady. I asked her what a Christian was supposed to do when they couldn’t give up smoking and why God didn’t help. Her answer gave me a lot of relief. She said that I would be able to give up smoking when God was ready for me to do it. It was the first relief I’d had from the smoking condemnation.
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[...] was met with horror. The Baptist Church condemned people who smoked or drank (see my 11/16/09 post Smoke, Smoke, Smoke Those Cigarettes ). All churches wanted you to attend every time they opened the doors, Sunday AM and PM, Wednesday, [...]